Rise of the Phoenix

Dedicated to my Dear, Sweet Children

In life, the familiar routines of our days

  are occasionally disrupted by events
  that catalyze deep and life-altering
  change.

These are not the minor alterations of our design,
  like starting a new diet or even a new job.

Rather, these events often take us by surprise.
  They force their way into our lives 
  without invite or welcome.

And, they lay waste to 
  all
  that we know and cherish.

It, really, is only a matter of time
  before each one of us hears the song
  of these harbingers.

I call them harbingers for I believe
  that as long as we walk in this life,
  the events themselves are
  but a herald of the changes
  we are asked to make inside our selves.

Though these harbingers often
  take center stage,
  it is we who are the main characters and
  the authors of the story that follows.

I have been visited by harbingers
  a number of times these past 52 years.
  They arrived with a determination
  equal my refusal to recognize 
  that they came not for another,
  but for me.

And they persisted:
  sometimes with an abiding patience
  that my denial ultimately could not outlast;
  sometimes with a vengeance that 
  cut short
  my desperate and futile efforts
  to make them disappear.

And then, 
  they drew their sword
  and lay waste to my life.

My routines, my expectations, my relationships,
  my home, my future, my knowledge, my beliefs, my 
  self...
  All were challenged, turned upside down,
  or destroyed.

Many times, I felt as a bystander watching
  the destruction roll through my life,
  leaving nothing in its wake
  but the carcass of 'me',
  the memories past,
  and the horrible empty feeling
  of loss.

So why, you may ask, do I relegate
  these life-altering events to the singular role
  of harbinger?

It is precisely because,
  having lived through these events,
  I now realize that the purpose of the 
  harbinger was to herald a future as yet
  unbeknownst to me,
  and to prepare the way for me
  to create that future.

The destruction brought by the harbinger
  is a necessary prelude 
  to the creation process
  that follows.

It clears a place for the new to emerge;
  understanding, abilities,
  wisdom, focus, purpose,
  relationships, experiences,
  paths...

It creates the ashes from which
  the Phoenix may arise.

Looking back now, 
  I wonder...
  what portion of all the excruciating pain
  that I felt during these times
  was caused by
  my own refusal to see or accept
  that the time for change was upon me?

We find solace and security in the known.
  Change is, at an elemental level, 
  a direct attack on that sense of security.

So, it is natural that we would respond
  to the harbinger with denial, refusal to accept,
  and even an all-out-war against the change
  it is announcing.

But, having traversed this path,
  I have learned that
  new life awaits on the other side
  of the pain and devastation.

It's a new life of our making,
  and it brings a fullness and wisdom
  that we could never have experienced
  had we not accepted our role as author
  and lead character in the story
  about to be written.