Welcome Loneliness

Sometimes, my stomach rolls over and
  I feel a hole inside my soul
  that has no bottom.

It is a profound sense of lonliness
  that seems to come out of nowhere
  and wants to drag me back to that nowhere.

I am, by nature, an introvert.
  Not only am I comfortable spending
  many hours with myself,
  my soul seems to require alone time,
  even more so now that I have
  entered what my father lovingly called
  the third age.

But, this sense of loneliness does not originate
  in, nor is it caused by, my alone time.

It seems to have a life of its own,
  emerging in moments when I suddenly
  am immersed in quiet;
  stabbing deeply in the minutes after
  I bid farewell to my children;
  making surprise entrances
  like an acquaintance I had hoped
  had faded into my past.

It holds closely the fears and anxieties
  that come with this package called 'me'.
  It remembers the sorrows that have torn through my heart.
  It carries the worries, the disbeliefs, the doubts
  that haunt me in the night.

Many a visit from this unwanted specter,
  I run and hide, make my mind and body busy
  so I don't have to feel that which it brings.

But, sometimes I dare to face it, feel it,
  allow it to be inside me...
  like now.

And what can I say in this moment
  that I sit with this unwanted, but insistent guest?

I suppose I shall say, 'Welcome',
  albeit with a certain amount of trepidation.
  Yes, I shall say, 'Welcome Kristen.'

For this is a part of me,
  not some apparition.
  It is me.

And, if I can't welcome my self
  in its darkest forms,
  how can I possibly feel compassion for,
  empathize with, reach out to,
  another
  in her darkest moments?

For, I know in the deepest reaches of my heart
  that my loneliness is your loneliness
  and that of tens of thousands of others
  past, present, future...

We just want to know we are welcome.
  I know it's not quite so simple,
  but for me, it's a really big start.